Sharing the things you make is scary. Is it worth it?

Forget about impressing people. Sharing your human experience is enough.

When I was playing live solo gigs as The Oubliette in my twenties, my pre-gig nerves were nothing LIKE the vulnerability hangover I would experience when I came off stage. 

To the audience it was an evening of entertainment, quickly forgotten. To me, it felt like I’d just opened my diary and read it out to a room full of people. 

At the time, it was not the usual thing to be a girl with an acoustic guitar singing quiet confessional songs in a scene that was made up of shouty boys playing punk rock. And although I was supported and encouraged by my friends, being so raw and vulnerable and slightly weird and very much a female and definitely not the greatest singer or guitarist was challenging and confronting on so many levels. 

As a result, I would come off-stage and be surrounded by people who I would increasingly convince myself were wondering who on earth I thought I was (oh lord let me never live my mid-twenties again, they truly are their own special kind of hell). I had panic attacks. Eventually it would consume my brain to the point where I stopped playing solo gigs altogether.

So why did I put myself through it at all? Why not just keep my songs for myself?

For the longest time I chalked it up to needing validation. “Penny, you just need everyone in the room to say your music is good, and then you can relax”.

But I’m not sure that’s it.

I had a revelation this week, writing an extremely corny and very sentimental song that honestly sounds a lot more like the Goo Goo Dolls than I would like it to. And that is: I don’t want people to say this is a great song or even a good song because, frankly, I would know they were lying. But I live for someone saying – “oh, this got me”. Or “this gave me goosebumps”.

I don’t need validation.

I want connection.

I don’t need anyone to tell me it was great or amazing or even good. I’m just looking for people – some people – A PERSON – to have been moved by it. Then I can relax.

The liberating thing about this is that you don’t need to be the best singer, or player, or writer, or photographer, or painter, or whatever, to get that precious reaction. You just need to be really fcking honest and open up SOMETHING inside you that moves you and be brave enough to share it. A mood, an image, a story, a combination of colours, whatever it is. 

That’s when it hits for other people. It’s magic, really.

A long time ago, after I hung up my solo-playing hat, I was at a wedding reception and one of the day guests came up to me – she’d had a little to drink for sure – and started telling me about a gig I’d played as The Oubliette years before that she was at that had, she said “changed everything” for her. She was at a pivotal point in her life, I’d played a song that had sunk deep. She said from then on everything changed, she sorted her life out, things got better.

Of course, neither I nor my artless strumming were responsible for any of this happening. If I hadn’t put myself up there on that stage, her life would still have changed, just as it did (although there was no telling her drunk ass that). But she wouldn’t have had that beautiful moment and memory to wrap it around.

It was pure chance that put her in that room at that gig and made me play that song in a way that made magic for her.

What an amazing thing. And what a gift to be told. I think about it a lot.

As a creative, you might not want to share everything you make. But I think it’s often worth putting the stuff you really feel out there into the world. 

Yes, making art of any kind is about self expression and that’s important. But when you share it, it suddenly becomes a hook somebody might be able to hang their own shit on. Something that helps them make sense of the world. Or makes them feel less alone.

And you don’t need to be the most technically skilled, impressive creator to be able to do that.

You just need to really mean it.

Px

I’m listening to: Sleater-Kinney - A Little Rope (I always get nervous when old faves put out new stuff, but this reassuringly excellent).

Some new stuff: Tiger Island released our new single Bad Women last week, which is streaming wherever you get your music. Our friend Fin (hi Fin!) helped us make a cool video for it too.